Monday, January 13, 2020

My Love Hate Relationship With Valentines


Hey lovelies, can you believe that we're half the way through the first month of the year? I can't lie I've spent most of it resting after working almost 250 hours throughout December, and reflecting on the months to come. It's had me thinking a lot about Valentines, and why I love and hate it. I've personally had some amazing valentines experiences, and some awful ones.



I personally think it's a load of shit

Sorry but, I have always and will always believe that if you love someone and truly love someone, that you would find the time to spoil them all year round. You don't need a particular day of the year to show them that you're in love with them. I know how cliche that sounds but the idea of someone buying me something because they feel like they have to is a bit dreadful to me.

The way I've always seen it is I would rather that a partner or someone showed up with flowers, or did something sweet on any other calendar date because they wanted too, and really wanted to, rather than someone show up with flowers on Valentines because they feel like they have too out of tradition or anything else. I personally find it more meaningful when someone does it out of the blue because they want to.

I've actually had various arguments with my friends about this over the years because they think that I woulds be the type that would be upset if someone didn't buy me gift because I would feel like I was left out seeing all my friends being spoiled by their partners but honestly it really wouldn't.

It can be a bragging game

I've been on this earth 24 years now, and it can be said I've seen so many Valentines day bragging posts, tweets, texts, instagrams and honestly I am bored of it. I think there's nothing wrong with sharing your time with your partner if you're happy with that being on the internet. Personally I hate when people do it for bragging, and I'm sorry but people really do do it. I've literally had friends rub it in to me that they have received amazing gifts, and I think instagram is the worst on holidays like Valentines Day, it gets muted or installed by me, 

There is such a focus on gifts and how much money you do or don't spend sometimes, it's really easy to feel inadequate, either because you can't afford to give your partner the things that they may want or you think that they deserve, or you see your friends receiving things in a different tier and you wish your own partner had done that for you, either way it can be really bad for how one or both parties feel in a relationship. I don't necessary feel like it's about being ungrateful either, because you can be grateful what your partner has done for you and still want or feel you need more from a relationship than what you are currently getting.

I also think that this idea of gifting, and attaching a value to how much you spend on a partner can send some really awful messages, especially if children are around because it can, and I say can lightly, teach them some really unrealistic values of love, and Valentines. 


I've been single for a really long time

I don't want to be that person, but after being out of the game for around two years, and only casually seeing people, I haven't technically experienced a Valentines with someone in about three years. I think this is a large contribution to my distaste for it, especially as the last time I got out of a relationship he dated someone very quickly and I was rather bitter about it at the time because I felt like he had done the dirty on me. 

I think I've become so comfortable with being alone, that the prospect of having someone and sharing a romantic holiday with them is right now, a very alien feeling, and not one that I particularly want. I wrote a post about Celebrating Being Single  


I'd love to know how you feel about Valentines day, bonus point for sharing with your best or worst memory, I'd love to read them!



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