Friday, July 12, 2019

The Graduate Rut


Hey lovelies, I've been feeling massively down in the dumps and I've found myself in the post graduation rut. I feel like I should be so much further ahead of where I am, and maybe I've been lazy with my free time but maybe I haven't and I just feel some societal pressure to be un a place where I have an amazing job, and I'm thriving off the thing that I love doing the most but the truth is I'm not.

In my mind I had this idea that after my masters, I would go out and find a great graduate job. That I would be saving actively, would be dating and I'd be really living my bets live. If I'm honest what I'm actually doing couldn't be further away from that. Most, if not all my wages go on covering my rent and the ridiculous amount of fees that my landlords have given me (but that is another story). I spent a fair amount of time producing the art that I want to but I keep going into stages of depression, where I'm unable to create work because I don't feel inspired, I can barely manage getting out of bed in the morning. That to me is so sad, I find it so disheartening not being able to keep up and to be as happy and have 'normal' mood varieties like my friends.

I find myself spending lots of time at my studio and then none at all. On one hand having a studio, and I have a really great amount of space, 24/7 access and wifi there, it's great, on the other hand I feel like it is my only achievement in the last year. It's like I spent my weeks getting the best out of the space and then I can't bare to do anything.

As for the job situation, I feel like there is some massive pressure to step out of your degree and step straight into a brilliant graduate job in your area. My BA and MA are both in Fine Art, for me to get a solid art job I would need a PGC or a PhD so that I could go into teaching/tutorting or to just simply have the experience that most jobs in the faction I like would accept me. So having any job at this point and being able to financially support myself is something. It's not a paid job either, the pay is reasonable and I've been there for years so I genuinely enjoy the work.

It just makes me think, when will I be in a place where I have the ideal things, the partner, the nice house, the dream job. Right now my house is a shithole that I rent and my flatmates are dreadful tbh and the partner exists the same amount as my social life (not at all) and well I owe my grandparents more money than it takes to put a deposit on a house.

I'd love to know about your graduate life experiences and how long it took for things to come together for you, and/or if you're still working it out, let me know in the comments.



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